"Wooden You?"

“Wooden You”

{a wooden dialog, after Carlo (Lorenzini) Collodi, 1883}


Geppetto: Pinocchio, my dear wooden Son,
you need fixin’ but my hands hurt too much.

Pinocchio: Soak them in clear water, Father.

Geppetto: I have, my wooden Son, I have,
but they still hurt, I cannot grip my knife.

Pinocchio: Who else can fix me, Father?
Who else can carve me as well as you can?

Geppetto: Any, who have knives & skill.
There are many skillful wood-doctors.

Pinocchio: Well, where are they, Father?
Bring me to them, or bring them to me.

Geppetto: It is not so simple my wooden Son.
Wooden insurance is needed to make it work.

Pinocchio: Then say those words, my Father,
& They will do it. You are their master, Father.

Geppetto: I wish I was, my one wooden Son;
I must choose among them & I am confused.
What does 'Public Option' mean? 'Single Payer'?
At the Coperativa, there is no wood-doctor.

Pinocchio: Father, somebody can explain
each of them to you so you will understand.

Geppetto: Who? I have no telephone. Besides,
Parlo solo Toscano, no capicce Talianno.

Pinocchio: How do I speak to you, my Father?

Geppetto: I do not know, my one wooden Son.
We just say what we have to say, somehow.

Pinocchio: Then think wooden Thoughts, Father.
Think wooden Thoughts & They well hear you.

Geppetto: I am thinking them, my dear Son.
I cannot fix you all by myself. I need help.
Please help me, o, skillful wooden-doctors.

Wooden Doctors: We are listening to you,
Geppetto, we hear your wooden thoughts.

Geppetto: Thank you, listening wooden doctors.
I need your skills to repair my wooden son.

Wooden Doctors: Are you covered, Geppetto?
What kind of wooden coverage do you have?

Geppetto: I have clothing of cloth & leather;
my wooden covering is my wooden roof.

Wooden Doctors: You do not undertand us,
Geppetto. Covering is wooden insurance.

Geppetto: I only need wooden insurance for
Pinnochio, my only wooden son, not myself.

Wooden Doctors: You both need wooden
insurance for us 2help you, Geppetto:
for us 2talk2 you & for us 2fix your son.

Geppetto: How do I get wooden insurance?
What do I do? Where do I go? Who do I see?

Wooden Doctors: You are doing it now, but
you alone must choose the type of coverage.

Geppetto: I do not understand this coverage.
What does it cover? My head? My hands?

Wooden Doctors: Your hands, because you
are a self-employed wood-carver, Geppetto.
Just your hands. They are what hurt you now.

Geppetto: Yes, they hurt me so much I cannot carve.

Wooden Doctors: Do you have Workmen’s Comp?

Geppetto: No, I work alone, I have no workmen.

Wooden Doctors: Then we cannot help you. We
cannot fix your hands to fix your wooden son.
That would make you a wooden doctor like us.

Geppetto: But you are skillful wooden doctors!
Wooden Doctors: Yes, we are, but we follow
the rules set by whatever coverage you have.
You have no coverage, so we follow no rules.

Geppetto: All men follow rules. I have a Rule
there on my workbench & I follow it carefully.

Wooden Doctors: We follow rules of practice,
If we do not, we could be sued for malpractice.

Geppetto: But you practiced for many years!
Questa mala fortuna has now befallen you?

Wooden Doctors: Health care reform, with
many new options, will soon re-regulate us.
We fear what it may do to our wooden skills.
(We should not be talking to you about this.)

Geppetto: Wait, please, skillful wooden doctors;
Do not fear talking to me; I try to understand.
I do not cause your mala fortuna malpractice.
I am a humble woodcarver. My hands hurt. My son…

Wooden Doctors: We do not want to hear any more
about your wooden son until you choose a health plan.
A wooden health plan for him, not you. Yours must
be a human flesh & blood health plan. For your hands.

Geppetto: [weeping] My hands are my only skill.
My hands have made my wooden son. My hands
are my only hope! [raising them towards the ceiling.]

[End of Scene 1. Wooden curtain descends.]

(18 AUG 09, Santa Clara CA)v5